I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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