When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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