this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
