Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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