hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Randomize
