He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
