I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
