Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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