Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
And then my night got REAL pukey
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
