Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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