Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
