when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
