After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Randomize
