when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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