just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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