Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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