Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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