Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
