You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
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Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
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So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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