In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
