This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
don't judge my taste in strippers
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
