I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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