I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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