Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
