it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
