I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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