im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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