just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
