if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
