I showed him my bush... on skype.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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