you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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