he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize