Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
