where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Randomize
