He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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