In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
