Just fell off a train. Bad.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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