i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
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