i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
