Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
