she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
