I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
