He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
