The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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