Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
