never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
