I love black thongs
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
