I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
