I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
