Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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