So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Randomize
