i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
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I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
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I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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