yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
