I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
