There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Randomize
