Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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