It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
