Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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