On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
