A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
