So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
