I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
